Title : From Cornflakes to not being a Snowflake - Only love no fear....
link : From Cornflakes to not being a Snowflake - Only love no fear....
From Cornflakes to not being a Snowflake - Only love no fear....
Those hidden comforts that we create for ourselves, either stemming from childhood or ones you created for yourself in adulthood are so paramount to our wellbeing.I created my own granola which is really delicious, but doesnt curb the corn flake addiction I have developed over the last few months, since my stint in hospital. Cornflakes are one of those cereals that envoke so many fond memories in me when eating them. I remember breakfast in Irish college, pouring them out of the Bean on Ti's plastic Tupperware. Although I think they were the cheap brand but still delicious. I remember eating princess with my grandad (pop) where he would put all the cereals just about to go out of date or out of date into a big silver pot and heat them up on the stove and we would eat them with big silver spoons sat on the sofa, with hot milk and bread and sugar and he would call it princess. I loved it. I was the only grandchild that did. Very fond memories. Also various bed and breakfasts we stayed in and lovely hotels, there was always cornflakes. And I always have them -but now i try to have the gluten free ones, if I am being bold.
Well after being to see my oncologist and her telling me that my tumour load has never been so high plus my liver function is not looking good. I hastily told her that I presumed it would be. I have been joyriding since Christmas. Yeps - who would have thought. But thats what happened. After giving the 3 months to live, if you dont do chemo talk. There was a part of me that just wanted to enjoy what I have left and dropped off the wagon. Twirls, currant cakes, half eaten magnums from the freezer, sweets from Johnnys pick n'mix...I mean...I LOVE SUGAR and goodies. Its the biggest drug on the planet. Its the criptinite of the world.
When I told my oncologist that I began keto as I was so bold eating sugar - she said it doesn't matter. Its nothing to do with sugar. Ah come on, I thought. There is so much research done on this, why is there so much ignorance on the subject. I know I am alive as I changed my diet bigtime. I find it difficult to digest this. As I have been going for the last few months, years, dipping into and out of chemo and yet I have been fairly consistent with my diet. Yes my tumour markers are the worst they have ever been, but I feel good after having a lovely holiday and with a bit of sun on my bones, life is great.
I am on a mission now. I have a big bag to pack with my home made food. I will sniff the croissants and cornflakes and eat my
1. Lemon water
2. Apple cider vinegar tablet dose of 2 in the morning
3. Keto granola - Toasted coconut, almond flour, chopped brazil nuts, walnuts, macademia
with coconut cream or natural yoghurt.
4. Flax seed crackers which I make (BEST THING EVER)
This I make by grinding down flax seeds, and whole flaxseeds, cinnamon (Or whatever spice you want pumpkin pie is delicious with cinnamon, but you could put in garlic, or onion powders and water. Its so easy to make. Mix all in bowl with water. Leave for 10 minutes and it sticks like a dough. Flatten out onto tray and you got crunchy crackers.)
5. Loads of vegetable juices but with mtc oil and avocados for all the good fats...so important...watch the carb intake bigtime.
I am back eating some meat. I know my body needs it. Somedays I just need to eat black pudding as an alternative. Last year I would not have been able to eat meat at all, as it disgusted me. Its amazing how the body and mind works. I think Im listening to my body now more than my mind.
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Stepping away from Cornflakes....and going a little deeper....
Over the last year, I feel like I have really found my flow in terms of dealing with death, working and life. I am blessed that I can still work when I can. I have an incredible work ethic from my grandparents and parents. And I have the most incredible people around me that I just want to thank. Without them I would'nt be able to do what I do. Being an artist is already a difficult life choice and there have been times when I am creating, and my place is upside down and I thoughts definately cross my mind that Im going slightly insane. My back door can hardly open with all the stuff I have hoarded to create my lifewreaths and I have all these pieces around me I have created but no one buying them and yet I keep creating. For most people this is insanity.
For those who dont know anything about art and just see materials as hoarding and a mess, it can be quite difficult to navigate and stand tall within your own being. Well especially when you have created this whole world, centred around your life and well, that life maybe cut short and your loved ones are left with the mess. These are all the things that run around my head daily. But then I just push on through in the knowledge that they have so much meaning and you will all see soon enough.
Life has to carry on, whether your dying or not, one must keep on living. Its the art of conscious living and dying that I am so enveloped by. I dont really have a choice. I have totally gotten over death. The biggest conundrum that frightens most people. I actually have grown to love it. I think I love the thought of death so much its actually given up on me!!! HAHA
We live in a death phobic society - as Stephen Jenkinson said. My friend DB introduced me to this amazing man only a few days ago who has been at the bedside of over 800 dying people. I found his talks just so interesting. He says that grief is the beginning of intelligence! How beautiful is that and I have always thought this. Until you accept death, you will never live a fulfilled life. As death takes you into the realms of spirituality and sort of closes the door on the material world somewhat.
Dying is never the individuals death in our society. It is swept under the carpet by most, until its too late and then other people or the family have to handle it for the dying person. I find this absolute so weird. As I feel that death is just the beginning of something else, the rebirth and the dying person should be totally involved in it.
It is without a doubt I have been given more time on this earth. And I take this time seriously. My life, my symptoms of stage 4 cancer have been veiled by my joy of creating my death. And by doing this I feel like I'm almost tricking life, never mind death! (In the most loving, centred but humerous and beautiful way I can.) The journey has been profound. I have been creating artwork centred around my life, living and dying - my mandalas - my lifewreaths. I have been gifted a robe and the most beautiful pieces of armour and headresses. They are my comrades who totally understand where I am going with all this.
We are all going to die. If we were all born with the capacity to accept and acknowledge this, we would be a very different race. We would be a very different culture. And if you want to change something, the thrust needs to be at the level of the culture. I endevour to do this through my artwork - I am wanting to make people think a little deeper into how the live and how they die. Death needs to be at the level of every individuals psyche.
More time bears no resemblance than what most people have bargained for, for most people. Not for me, thank God. I have been able to delve deep into the world of living. Living life to my fullest, being able to create daily, meeting the most incredible people on my life flow who have not only inspired me to be the best person I can be, but assisted my growth into the person I always knew I wanted to be. The learning has been so wonderful. Your good friends can hold up a mirror to yourself and you can look in and it can be hard lessons they show you. But that to me is living, thats where the growth lies. It can be hard to take sometimes, to understand oneself. That is daily soul renewal to make you a great leader in self love and compassion. When you live like this you live like this for others, not only yourself and in doing so you make the world a better place.
Alright. Thats enough for a Sunday morning.
I havent re-read over this - because sometimes you just have to let it all go....thats freedom.
Have an amazing Funday, Sunday.
love fi
x
Alright. Thats enough for a Sunday morning.
I havent re-read over this - because sometimes you just have to let it all go....thats freedom.
Have an amazing Funday, Sunday.
love fi
x
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