Title : Lifes lessons.....some will love you, some will mistake you. C'est la vie.
link : Lifes lessons.....some will love you, some will mistake you. C'est la vie.
Lifes lessons.....some will love you, some will mistake you. C'est la vie.
So my thoughts for today.It was a beautiful day. I took my son to an adventure park - Clara Lara. It was so fun chatting to the parents of the kids in Johnnys class. (Hi guys if any of you read this!) Its hard to believe we were there last year. It just flew by. And I remember having a big cry after last year thinking that I wouldnt be there next year and yet, there I was. Groundhog day. And yes, I am having a little moment thinking about next year, no tears though.
Chatting to one lady she had told me about her sister in law who had passed of liver cancer and they were discussing why her and the lady said with the liver cancer, "Why not me". Gosh I would have liked to have met that woman. And yet, all the people I have met along this little path all seem to be the most loving, thought provoking individuals. Its a real other worldly existance sometimes.
I have a big scan coming up and I guess every scan is another either kick in the teeth or slight relief. But honestly - over the last few months I have begun to really appreciate the quality of life I have had. I did everything I wanted to do. I lived my life for me, no one else. I guess not many people can say that as they feel they should be indepted to parents or children and fulfill someone elses wishes or dreams. I have met some who didnt accomplish certain things. Yes of course but were you happy I ask them.
I did what I wanted. I am still doing what I want to do. I guess that makes me somewhat of a rebel? But life is for living on your own terms. Its your life. If I had listened to everyone would I still be here. You know my dislike for chemo. I gave it up for a year. Then I gave it up again. I take it when I like. I am sure I drive my oncologist absolutely batty. But hey, its how I am feeling my body. I can feel every air pocket, every twinge, every lump, every pain, every pulse, every breath. I know what it wants, what it needs. (I just juiced rosemary, basil, broccoli, spinach, thyme, parsley, lemon and celery. It was absolutely amazing. And the bad bacteria in the guts absolutely hates it. The sounds are gas! Literally!) I love my body. I want it to remain alive. I want to feed it and to nuture it. Its like my companion. Its like im raising another kid sometimes, the way I have to look after it. I need to assist it. I cannot kill it just yet, with the poison chemo.
I live with peace in my heart.
I could be very angry for the doctor in Iceland who missed diagnosing me. Having spent months going to my GP and for them sending me for X rays, which is never going to show up cancer. I had 4 months of that, until I finally went to him and he saw I was anemic and sent me for bloodtests. I know when I went for bloodtests and was in the oncologist room and he sent me home in August of 2015. Looking back now and seeing my cancer markers. They had risen from 11 to 29 but as they were still under 30 which is within normal limits. But 6 months later in January when I went to see my GP with ferocious back pains and then I end up getting blood tests my cancer markers had risen to 160. Now had that oncologist really looked at my chart he should have seen that. Would it make a difference now to my quality of life? Who knows. Probably, I might be in a bit of a better position, less tumours. But hey, life is what it is. I forgive him. I did write to him but never heard back from him. Just a precautionary letter so the mistake is not repeated. I had to. (I like writing letters!)
As I approach my tenth year of living with cancer, stage 3. (And well once its in your lypmh nodes, I hate to say it but its in your bloodstream, its a different ballgame. Its more than likely stage 4, just not detected yet). I realise more and more as the days go on. If I could have a fundamental approach for living the best life, it would be to laugh more, share more, give more, learn more, love more. Stay away from people who lower your vibrations. They will only bring you down. Its what make us superhuman in the end. Life is hard, but you just gotta love those moments/people and take the lesson from them. There is a lesson in everything. Accepting it is the hard part.
Love and heart shape bullets coming your way!
FiX
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