Title : Keep being your own miracle......
link : Keep being your own miracle......
Keep being your own miracle......
Wednesday 8th AugustI honestly do not know where my mind has been the last few days, not in the best of places due to a few different things, but alls well now. I am beginning to see the light thank God.
I have had a weird niggling pain in my side that I ran off today after coming home from the
hospital. I put on my runners and (as it always is) blasting the trainspotting soundtrack in my ears for strength, I sprinted down the Rathfarnham road. Born slippy....love it! It feels good. It feels strong to run. It frees me up.
Straight into the near infrared and then drink the fresh veg nectar juice.
I have been listening to a hell of alot of self help tapes over the last few weeks. I absolutely love them when I am pottering around the house, guiding me to heal. After my pal Grace's passing and another beautiful lady I knew Caroline who passed yesterday. I was in a very dark place. It sends me into a slow frenzied mind chaos of wanting to do everything and nothing all at once. Its a distressing place to be in. And its a place I shouldnt put myself into as its an emotional rollercoaster my body doesnt need.
I went into the hospital this morning thinking it was Thursday. I have a meeting tomorrow with the onc. I am nervous. But for the first time I feel very strong going in there and telling her that I am not taking all the chemotherapy shes giving me. I just cant do it. I just hope that its not an issue and I am allowed to do what I want. Its my life after all. I just cant. My two pals who took it are gone. Everything is saying dont. I want to try save my life my own way. I know I am absolutely mad. But hey, I am going to try.
I have been feeling really uneasy in my stomach liver area. Its very uncomfortable, like its swollen. So I am doing alot of juicing and helping my digestion by not eating too much, just plenty of juices and leaves of kale, spinach and melons grinded down. I hope this it just a bump in my road.
So I always go back to source....you tube.
Here are a few good old videos I liked over my little healing path.
Some of these things I do myself....on a daily basis.
Love Dr. Holt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-05DWO6_4g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGaVDJyU5A
and a nice little pdf of healthy eating here
https://innovativemedicine.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Innovative-Medicine-Diet-Plan-PDF.pdf
As I lie in my bed, sort of uncomfortable in my stomach region. Its a weird pain. Not that I want to dwell on it and thats what its all about. I try and forget about it, meditate it away. Which brings me back to the power of the mind and believing its not there. That pain is there and it niggles at me, its a constant reminder. Its the elephant in the room when I am trying to just get on with things. I go for a run to try and release it. It works sometimes. But the best thing for it is the machines in the Northbrook Clinic. It just almost feels like it unleases the stress in the area. It feels sometimes like its a knot in my liver and stomach. And when I stick my fist in to ease it I can feel air pockets release some stuff. I am contantly sticking in my fingers and fists into my side and telling my body that it need to cop on! haha
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Thursday 9th August
Had a chat with my oncologist today. I must say I was extremely nervous. For the last 3 weeks I have been (lets just say a little) slack on my chemo. But I have upped other things like my vitamins and juice consumption. I have to say I am going to up it even more now over the next 6 weeks.
No more little slices of pizza and chips and crisps, the odd slice of cake, biscuit, TWIRL!!!! so bold but hey it was the summer and I enjoyed it immensely with Johnny. We had a few little late night parties, and it was worth it. I feel when I was am on chemo, that I could do that. I WAS CHEATING A LITTLE, if I am quite honest. I had the loveliest feed of the most loveliest fruit cake. I must give it all away now! Away with you gorgeous fruit cake.
My cancer markers did rise, but only a very small amount. So its ok. I am imagining that they are trying to get bigger as they are actually dying, but thats my wishful thinking. My tumour markers only rose 12 points in 3 weeks. Its not exponential but we want that lowering, not getting higher. So here I go again. The joy of living to my best ability. One positive outcome will be that my skin will be fab again!!
I had the best time today with The Forsyths! thanks beauties xxx they made my day. We went to a fab Chinese for lunch and shoe shopping, what more does one want to do on a day like today.
Love fix
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