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Title : Response-ability & Reflection (saturday morning ramble down memory lane)
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Response-ability & Reflection (saturday morning ramble down memory lane)

 I just wanted to write a little bit on this topic as after the last few days of filming and then seeing the little short 3 minute documentary that highlighted my little life and how I have dealt with my cancer - left me there sobbing on the chair, I think its time to reflect.

Everyday our emotions contruct our systems which in turn construct our day, our weeks and our lives. Its what makes our world our own. Everyone´s are so different as we all see things differently. Our brain changes our blood pressure which in turn affects our bodily systems from cortizol levels to our emotional wellbeing on a minute to minute basis which in turn plays out how our lives unfold.

Most of the time we pay attention to things through our eyes, what we see on a day to day basis.
The beautiful things, a lovely smile, a cute kid.
We see body language, behaviors.
We take it in, watch, create our pictures through our choices.

However the other organs in our body determine four things: pleasantness, unpleasantness, calmness and arousal. Its only when we are in total tune with ourselves that we can really respond well to situations.

We are all architects of our own experience. We create concepts daily on how we want to run our lives and we pass on those concepts to our children daily. I am becoming so much more aware of my own ways - even not letting my child wear certain clothing or making him wear certain clothing (beautiful clothing!!) and he doesnt want to. I remember it so well when I was young and mum trying to out me into (beautiful clothing) and I didnt want it. Mum wanted me to be something I was not. Thats just what parents do. Why do we do this? So I am just going to let that go....I am unmaking that fashion conscious concept and letting him choose for himself from now on. Its the only way he will grow and be responsable for how he looks and fits in with his pals etc. Because life is a struggle enough, without putting my wants and needs on him.

I have seen in the past week that this year of struggle has given me so much. How? Because I am relatable, I am approachable. I somehow now have a purpose, a real purpose. And as I sat there watching myself on the screen I have embraced my struggle, embraced the fear, the uncertainty and I am willing to change myself daily through learning more about myself. Theres always parts we dont like about ourselves and hey I could spot plenty because we are our own biggest critique. But I am not going to let it get in the way of the bigger picture. I am not going to get emotional about it. (Wheres the photoshop in film!! LOL) 

Becoming aware of my emotions has been such a huge part of my healing. They are no longer taking hold of my situations. I am beginning to see clarity in all situations. I surround myself with people who see the greatness within me and who see and love me for me. They lift me. I lift them. We are great together. Theres no space for negativity right here. This is my ability of response to the life I have been given. I thank Mark and Ken so much for the few days of becoming even more aware of myself and giving me a voice and enabling my heart to beat stronger. Its a scary space to project yourself out there, but I am ready. I am here to help others who want to heal themselves. Cancer comes in many ways, shapes and forms and only you can help yourself stay well daily by making the right choices.

Over and out for now folks

fix

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